Monday, February 28, 2011

Father Abraham


It may have been because of the Lemon Heads.

I was being bad and digging down through this basket of various flavors of "Lemon Heads," to the bottom where the actual lemon Lemon Heads where, when I got blasted by a wave of nostalgia.

My parents and I moved around a lot and sometimes their relationship wasn't very peaceful, but things weren't bad all the time.

There were times when they'd let me take the bottles over to the neighborhood penny-candy store, cash them in and buy candy and comic books.

Red cherries (balls of sugar!), three for a penny.  Boxes of pumpkin seeds or Lemon Heads for a nickel.

Wonder Woman comic books for 12 cents.  She'd fight the bad guys with her invisible jet and magic lasso and magic bracelets.  Every time she used her bracelets to block bad guy bullets, she'd say: "Hola!  Hola!"

Years later, I found out that she was speaking Spanish and saying:  "Hello!"

I remember one day in particular when my parents, brother and I played catch in the field across the alley behind our house.

And how sometimes my folks would sit on the porch playing checkers.  Daddy would distract Mama and steal her men off of the board.  She'd act really mad, but she kept playing.

And how Mama had these white, sheer curtains.  They'd slowly billow out from the window, then get sucked back against the screen by a passing breeze.  When I was stationed in Keflavik, Iceland the Northern Lights sometimes reminded me of those summer days watching Mama's curtains.

And Father Abraham came to mind.  Don't know why.  He was an old, Jewish gentleman with a crinkly, long, gray beard.  Not white and wavy like Santa's, but gray and crinkly.

For some reason, sometimes he would invite black people over to his home on Sundays and cook for us.  The grown-ups sat at one table and us kids at another.  I associate Faygo Red Pop with those dinners.  Being born and raised in Detroit, it's unlikely that I'd never encountered Red Pop before, but when I remember Father Abraham's dinners, I remember Red Pop.  And salami, which I assume, now, was Kosher.  I still don't know why he did it; I just know that I liked having Faygo Red Pop and salami at Father Abraham's house.

We moved around a lot and I still don't have a sense of any one place being "home," but things weren't bad all the time.

Oh, and those lemon Lemon Heads?

Just the correct combination of sweet and sour to delightfully pucker my mouth!

Just like I remember.

Hola!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Walkin' Pneumonia

While yall are snickering at me being unfashionably bundled up, I'm watching you going around hatless, wearing short, thin jackets.

The thing is, 40 degrees is just 8 degrees above the temperature where water freezes.

Just because a bunch of you are simultaneously doing something stupid, doesn't make that something any less stupid.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

And, No, I'm Not Sorry.


I am not a Nurturer.

I am a Protector-Provider.

And I am getting very tired of having to apologize for that.

I am not saying that your feelings are not important to me.

They are important to me, because YOU are important to me.

Please forgive me for not being willing to let you continue to complain about the problem to me.

You're wasting my time.

If you are upset that that big, ol' Grizzly is eating up your favorite berries, please don't expect me to sit around listening to you cry and whine about it for long.

            There are your berries and here is a bear skin coat with matching gloves, hat and boots.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

I'm Back! Didja Miss Me?

I'm gonna try this again.

Once I get the hang of  Blogger, I'll have three separate blogs:  this one for my general Musings, one for my "regular" nano-stories and one for the "bizarro" nano-stories.

That way, youse guys won't have to suffer through reading through the stuff you don't like to get to the stuff you do like.

Considerate of me, dontcha think?

Oh, and for any of youse folks that still like holding paper books, you can purchase a copy of the book this blog is based on here.

Tankee Mucho and I hope you enjoy the ride!

nifty netta

Fone Follies

My cell phone hung up on my boss.

This is not a good thing.

The other day it hung up on the urgent care triage nurse and not long ago it hung up on my distraught son.

I would like to buy a new cell phone, but I don't know how.

Getting a new to me phone is easy enough.

Practically everybody's got 'em.

Grocery stores, gas stations, beauty shops, garden supply stores.

Nice little refurbished phones in nice new boxes.

Phones that other people traded in either for fancier phones or because the traded in phones were having too many problems.

Seriously!  I've got enough of my own problems, I don't want anybody else's!

Along with turning off while I'm trying to have a conversation, sometimes it won't let me turn it off and keeps turning itself back on.  Its predecessor wouldn't let my 911 calls go through, which made one particular evening very interesting.  The one before that suddenly acquired screen filling horizontal lines across it like an old style TV with a bad rabbit-ears antenna.

So, now I would like to purchase a new, new phone.

The kind fresh off the assembly line that's just been approved by Inspector 16.

Still with the new phone smell.

But, I ain't got no idea where to even begin my search for one.

I guess I'm stuck with this one for now.

If we're having a nice lively conversation and you suddenly hear a lot of dead silence…I (probably) didn't hang up on you.

It was the #$%& phone.


Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I Was Bullied by a Squirrel

The other day, I was walking along minding my own business, when I caught this little, black squirrel's attention.

It hopped up to me and sat down directly in front of me.

When I stepped to my right, it hopped to its left.

When I stepped to my left, it hopped to its right.

Each time, blocking me.

There was a momentary standoff.

But then, it must have read my mind and saw that I was wondering how far I could kick it because it hopped around behind me and jumped up onto a two-foot tall fence-post.

And stared at me.

I walked away, turning back twice.

Both times, it was still staring at me.

But it didn't follow me.

Not that I saw.

I came back a different way.